{"id":8880,"date":"2011-03-25T00:01:13","date_gmt":"2011-03-25T05:01:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/pmedicine.org\/epatients\/?p=8880"},"modified":"2011-03-26T06:04:24","modified_gmt":"2011-03-26T11:04:24","slug":"in-the-end","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/participatorymedicine.org\/epatients\/2011\/03\/in-the-end.html","title":{"rendered":"In the End"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_8883\" style=\"width: 187px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/participatorymedicine.org\/epatients\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2011\/03\/Gram-and-Austin-Fall-2007-72dpi.jpg\" data-rel=\"lightbox-image-0\" data-rl_title=\"\" data-rl_caption=\"\" title=\"\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-8883\" class=\"size-full wp-image-8883\" src=\"https:\/\/participatorymedicine.org\/epatients\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/3\/2011\/03\/Gram-and-Austin-Fall-2007-72dpi.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"177\" height=\"258\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-8883\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Una Doyel Leonard in 2007 with Grandson Austin Greene<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Three years ago our family was faced with a difficult decision. What is  the best care for our mother? We toured all the possible local options,  but when it came down to it, there was only one facility* willing to  take my mother due to the advanced state of her Alzheimer\u2019s disease. It  would not have been my first choice. In fact, it would not have been my  second or third choice.  I found it to be a completely dreary and  depressing place. Picture a Nursing Home from the 50s, not a modern day  Elder Care Center.<\/p>\n<p>Over the years I visited my mother infrequently.\u00a0 She no longer recognized me, but labored to link my face with a name or a relationship, straining to pull the memory out into the light \u2013 tortured by the shadow of a memory.\u00a0 Each time I went I spent as much time with her as I could tolerate, then raced to the front door, usually in tears torn with guilt over not doing a better job as a daughter.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Last week I had the deeply sad honor of spending my mother\u2019s final days with her.\u00a0 For most of that time she was unresponsive.\u00a0 She no longer tried to place my face or remember my name. She was clearly ready to die and I did not want her to die alone. The problem was that in order to be with her I had to spend time in the place that had not been my first choice (or second or third).<\/p>\n<p>During that week an amazing thing happened. Shift after shift, I met staff from every level \u2013 Nurses, CNAs, Social Workers, and Activities, Housekeeping, and Kitchen Staff \u2013 who knew and loved my mother the last three years. I was able to watch them as they cared for her, but not just her, I observed their tender care of other residents \u2013 all with advanced Alzheimer\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>By the time the week was over the dreary surroundings melted away as person after person came in to say good bye and tell us stories of our mother\u2019s last three years.\u00a0 One CNA told me about playing my mother\u2019s favorite music for her in the middle of the night.\u00a0 Another told me about how she\u2019d been able to make my mother smile by telling her that my long-deceased father was away at church.\u00a0 Others reported my mother\u2019s insistent \u201cthank you, thank you, thank you\u201d had brightened their days.<\/p>\n<p>From my time there I realized, it\u2019s not about the d\u00e9cor or the style of the facility; it\u2019s about the people doing the caring. I\u2019m grateful that my mother did not die alone, but now I know, she did not live her final years alone, either, and in the end that is far more important.<\/p>\n<p>&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;&#8212;<\/p>\n<p>*Una Doyel Leonard was cared for at Alzheimer\u2019s Living Center at Elim in Fresno, California.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Three years ago our family was faced with a difficult decision. What is the best care for our mother? We toured all the possible local options, but when it came down to it, there was only one facility* willing to take my mother due to the advanced state of her Alzheimer\u2019s disease. It would not have been my first choice. In fact, it would not have been my second or third choice.  I found it to be a completely dreary and depressing place. Picture a Nursing Home from the 50s, not a modern day Elder Care Center.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[225,1],"tags":[],"coauthors":[],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v22.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>In the End - SPM Blog<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/participatorymedicine.org\/epatients\/2011\/03\/in-the-end.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"In the End - SPM Blog\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Three years ago our family was faced with a difficult decision. What is the best care for our mother? We toured all the possible local options, but when it came down to it, there was only one facility* willing to take my mother due to the advanced state of her Alzheimer\u2019s disease. It would not have been my first choice. In fact, it would not have been my second or third choice. I found it to be a completely dreary and depressing place. 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